How to become a great creative procrastinator

You might be surprised at how easy it is to become a devoted procrastinator. In just a few weeks of proper procrastination, you’ll find it hard to start doing anything again.

A skilled procrastinator [not] at work

A skilled procrastinator [not] at work

Did you ever find yourself sneaking away from bed in the wee hours of the night, unable to get back to sleep before you got a new idea out? Does your creative urge prevent you from sleeping late? Did you ever feel like staying home and practicing your craft, even though you’ve been invited to a party?

You’re not alone. Many people find it difficult to keep away from their creative passions, immersing themselves in their artwork and imagining it to be amazingly fulfilling. In some extreme cases, artists have been known to actually get a job and create art for a living.

You don’t have to be one of these people. Proven techniques have been devised for breaking away from the creativity cycle. With a small effort, you too could be spending an entire evening idly surfing the net, watching reality TV or cracking silly jokes at the local bar. You too can become a procrastinator!

Here are my seven golden tips for successful creative procrastination.

  1. Make sure you focus real hard on your mistakes and shortcomings. Try to ignore or diminish the things you’re good at.
  2. Never start anything unless conditions are perfect. You’ll need a lot of time, plenty of money, complete knowledge and no distractions whatsoever. If there’s even the slightest chance of failure, postpone the project. After postponing it for a while, it will be easier to shelve it for good.
  3. Read a lot of ‘how to’ books. These will help you feel good about producing absolutely nothing while you read. They will also help you get overwhelmed with a flood of advice, which you can then avoid implementing by reading more books.
  4. Never share anything you’ve created, unless it’s the world’s best artwork of all times. If you do, people will think you’re rubbish. They will not appreciate your effort at all.
  5. Be warned: If for some reason people DO respond favorably to your work, you might start feeling good about it – which could in turn lure you into making more art. To avoid this vicious cycle try to share as little as possible, or better yet: nothing at all!
  6. Whatever you do, do NOT apply for the creative job of your dreams! All creative employers are looking ONLY for superhumanly talented people with at least 20 year experience who make many thousands of dollars a week. Inexpensive, eager-to-succeed creative labor is absolutely unneeded, so really there’s no point for you to try. In fact, they’ll send you a thug to slap you on the face for even sending them your stuff. Seriously. They do that. All the time.
  7. Once you’ve been rejected, your dream employer will always and forever remember you as a lower life-form. They will have nothing but contempt for your effort to succeed, and you will never be able try again. EVER. Not even when you’ve gotten much better (which, I assure you, will never happen if you follow even a few of these seven golden tips).

You might be surprised at how easy it is to become a devoted procrastinator. In just a few weeks of proper procrastination, you’ll find it hard to start doing anything again. No new ideas will enter your head, and if an idea does present itself, you’ll do nothing about it. Finally you’ll be able to invest more time watching funny cats on YouTube, thoroughly reading your Facebook feeds and playing games on your cell-phone.

You should know, however, that this process is entirely reversible. All it takes is an innocent doodle, a poem, a tune you wrote for pure fun; suddenly you feel like showing it to someone. They seem to like it … and before you know it, inspiration washes over you and you can’t stop creating again. So be on your guard, keep that pencil out of reach, and never ever read inspirational blog posts.

Happy creative procrastinating!

 


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Comments

comments

10 Comments on “How to become a great creative procrastinator

  1. Vero says:

    I “guess” that it’s not a coincidence that it took me so long to open this…:) Love it! Thanks, funny man!

    • Doron Meir says:

      LOL :) Thanks Vero!

  2. You could add failing to plan to procrastinate. Tim Ferris talks about the inevitability of procrastination and how useful it can be to simply schedule it in.

  3. mykyl66 says:

    Ummm. Where have you hidden the camera in my office. I assume you based this article after watching me. It is too accurate for coincidence. 😉

    • Doron Meir says:

      Ah you’re on to me! Look behind the flower pot 😛
      camera in vegetation

  4. urialonim says:

    my favorite post so far!

  5. Doron Meir says:

    Of course not. I never joke. Except sometimes when I comment 😛

  6. Kingeralti says:

    LOL!!

    I didn’t know if you were serious or not till the very end
    Maybe I’m just slow :)
    Reversed psychology. Got to love it!

    You WERE joking right..?

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